I faked an abortion last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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