She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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