I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize