i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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