Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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