You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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