If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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