If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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