I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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