Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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