If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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