Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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