Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize