Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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