Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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