Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
honey bunches of taint.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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