Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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