physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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