guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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