Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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