Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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