At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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