I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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