so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize