I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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