To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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