Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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