people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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