So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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