Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
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Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
tell me about the fingering
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