I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I need moral support for this bender
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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