weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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