i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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