Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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