apparently the secret to your success is patron
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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