I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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