An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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