I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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