Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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