Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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