I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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