she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize