guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize