Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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