May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize