my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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