More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize