Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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