all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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