I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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